Ik ben Donatello Donna lil la

Hey Donna, how are you? I know it's you'd say I'm doing good but you're not and you actually want someone can see through your mask and know that you are not fine, and say to you: hey its okay.

I want you to know right now is the best time in your life, you've experienced the most painful feeling, you're heartbroken, lost, no goals, wonder why life treating you like that, but I promise you now you're gonna transform all that feelings into the most positive power you will ever have. Take this experience as a gift to develop yourself, to do all the things that you always say you're gonna do it but haven't done anything yet, to transform yourself become a better person, a happy woman, it is hard right now for you, but it is well. Someday you'll know what's your forte, the failure feeling it's just for a temporary time. Don't think what other people's gonna think about you, what only matters is what you think about yourself. Be kind and be courage, those two things is all what you need, they'll lead you go through your path. I'm sure when you look back you'll appreciate of all this you go through right now. It is well, be kind, be courage.15/11/2016

Today's topic is about What To Do With Your Life?

I've recently came back from europe, and I'm facing the problem to find a new job, what bothers me is I'm not 100% sure what do I want to do in my future, so I read some blog of bunch of advice how to figure out what to do with my life. Some of advice are pretty useful, I even list a lot questions for myself try to digging in myself, turns out I know nothing about myself. I think everyone is been in this situation, the answer of how do I know what I want to do with my life must be a desire of everyone.

Why the answer is so desire that we want to know? I don't know, but i do know is everyone is trying to figure it out including me. 

Here's what I list for myself:

-What do I want to achieve in my life?

What I didn't want is we become the most familiar stranger.

I don't need to meet the love of my life to feel hear beating, my heart beating because I dare to dream everyday.

I'm not afraid the age makes me under value, the bid big world still waiting for me to adventure, I don't need a prince give me a castle, 26.4square meters with a bottle of wine is wonderful life to me, no need romantic poetries and a fantastic pictures of future, the romantic poetries for me is live for the moment, and sometimes good things happens in those moments.

Whether you came or not, I'm here living my life. I don't want that we have nothing but only love each other, I want us to see the big world through each other, growing together and learning new things instead giving up the world for me or for you. I expected you love my thoughtful and understanding like I obsessed when you try to convince me, I think you will admire my stubborn like i love when you being childish, you think it's good when I need to be alone sometimes and I like your freedom life. 

We learned not depending our life on each other or focusing on one person instead focusing our own life, the heart beating like your drinking Champagne isn't love, love is when you feel heart stable.

I thought I was dreaming when you say you love me in the first time, and I think I'm still dreaming when you love me since then.

I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I'm the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me.

What's the worst that can happen?

It'll hurt.

Already hurts.

The fairytale will always have a happy ending, when we believe those story, we dreamed have a wonderful life like that.

You can't think that I'm not hurt just because I didn't show it, you can't think that I'm okay just because I told you I'm fine.

Where are you when I need you? I think no one will just be there for you forever, including you won't be there forever as well.

I guess I'll be alone again like I'm used to be, it's okay I'm used to it, I'm just not used to having you then losing you. What can I do about it? What can I do about it?

Too much I need to say, too less I could say.  I just called you to say I love you.

Many thoughts running in my mind, I thought I wouldn't be mind.

Isn't that hard?

When you two are together but spend the most of time apart?

Time isn't matter, each time we see each other is wonderful and that's matters.

Im always think people actually see what their relationship is has potential in the worst moments.

It's easy for both to be happy when we go on holiday together and carefree state, it's easy for us when things going right.

But when things going wrong?

Thats when people shows you incredible amount, not just about who they are, but how they deals with life problems. And how someone deals with life problems tell you so much what you need to know about them and it tells you so much about how is gonna be to live with this person forever.

It's too often someone will be a very difficult person in a relationship and they'll attack us, they'll defensive, get cold, and they'll say:" I'm sorry I'm just having a bad day/ I'm going through a hard time/ I'm just having a lot stress/ I'm just had rough day

Everything is like a dream, a sweetest dream I ever had. I met you in Istanbul, Turkey. That's was my best vacation ever. When I just arrived Istanbul, I'm excited, but nervous as hell, I know I'm about to meet you, my best friend Rick, but I'm also terrified because I want more than friend and I don't know what you think of me. Everyone say that I’m crazy to go all the way there and we are not even in a relationship. Well, I admit that I’m totally crazy for you.

Okay, here I am, Istanbul, Ataturk international airport, 12:00am, first thing I’d say, FUCK! My visa couldn’t pass, and the custom just won’t let me pass, I am totally panic, but thanks for custom’s help he told me where and how to get a new visa and don’t worry, but because the visa problem I stuck in the airport for one and half hour, and my phone’s battery almost empty, couldn’t reach anyone, not the mention that was my first time being Europe. They don’t speak English that much I’ really don’t know how to communicate with them, but thanks for the custom’s help I am finally passed custom. You're like panic when you saw me.

I’ve been imagine the moment we meet, like I’ll cry a lot, we’ll hug each other so hard, and you know like so dramatic.But I had to say nothing like you planed. We hug each other so hard yes, and I guess because I was trapped inside and you've been waiting for me so long feel nervous. Well I didn’t cry in the airport, but I cried in the cab. I’m lying on your chest, it’s just can’t believe I’m here now and the person I love is here with me.

It took almost 2 hours to get home, and first night, we kind of out the control,I asked you where’s my goodnight kiss, then we kissed, gently then passionatelythen you know what’s gonna happen next, but nope I said stop, too fast even though I want you so badly, I had to stop, because I don’t want had sex first before confirm what are we? Yes, I know you’re gonna say, come on? Really? We  are already in bed together and you really wanna play hard to get now? Well, come on! A girl who came from far way just to see you and we are not even in relationship, what kind stupid will do that? Isn’t that obviously? I didn’t play, I just want make sure what kind relationship are we and make sure this isn’t just a booty call, make sure you are feel the same way like I do. As I said I want you so badly, you are not the only one whos torture. Second night same thing happened, but I had good excuse, I’m on my period, which is true so we had to stop. We totally cross the line on third night,and that’s how we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We cuddle and laying on couch watching TV show,

I asked you: hey,do you agree?

男女朋友交往，會有甜蜜熱戀期當然也會遇到吵架、意見不合的時候到底該怎麼解決呢?

When couples having fight how do you dealing with fight? Ignoring or avoiding the problems, or be balls to face with the problems?

有的人大吵特吵，有的人一點小事就吵，也有的人比較理智會讓彼此冷靜一下，但會不會我們通常所謂的"冷靜"往往一不小心都變成了"冷戰"呢?

Some people who arguing all the time, some people they just need to calm first, but what if to be calm becoming to be cold and even worse to become a Cold War?

冷戰到底誰要先低頭呢?對我而言我大概是通常先伸出友誼的手的那位，對我來說，先低頭不代表我有錯，或是我很弱，只是因為我珍惜這段感情，我並不想要一直吵下去，我希望可以解決把事情講開了，我不喜歡吵架吵隔夜。但是其實我的個性是也會悶的人，我男朋友個性也是很悶的那種人，如果兩個一起悶，那不知道要冷戰到民國幾年了。

在一次看到半年前我們一起拍過的照片，很難以想像現在你已經回去荷蘭半年多了，日子一天天的過，看著照片彷彿還在昨日，想著那些回憶，彷彿你就還在我身邊。

好幾次忍不住像罵你說: ㄟ!你們怎麼就這樣走了，把我丟在這? 你知不知道我想你想得很難過? 為甚麼只把我留在這? 你好自私!

我沒有辦法想像你已經不在我身邊半年了，我變得很容易依賴卻又不能夠依賴。

Suddenly saw the pic of us from half year ago, realized that you are gone for half year already, I still live my life here, nothing happens, just miss you, and those memories just come up my head when every time everywhere I go.

Sometimes just want to throw a rock on your face to let you know how much pain when I think of you. Why you just left me here? 

I'm fall in love with you, and no, I'm not in love my idea of you, i love you because you are you. 

I'm falling the person who enjoy my madness , not an idiot who force me to be normal. I love you and all your lil things. oh yea i'd only get jealous because i care! hey stupid i miss you i love you and i hope you'll realize. And now, distance means so little when someone means so much.

倒數22天了，再三個禮拜我終於可以見到你了，開心到我又要哭了。

幾乎每天的視訊，幾乎每天的問候，我們的默契日益漸增，對彼此想念沒有少過，你是我第一個有甚麼事情都想要分享的人，永遠是我的priority。

因為你我變得更加勇敢，因為你我變得更加獨立，WELL不得不說你讓我變了很多，從前我是那個活當下過一天算一天的人，現在卻會開始我的短暫規劃，雖然我還想不到我五年後十年後會怎麼過，但至少每年都會有我想完成的目標，人家都說要找一人會讓你想跟著進步仰或是找一個人會跟著你一起進步，你就是我的那個人吧，我想。